Playing Little Spoon

We all have been there. Not too many have wrote about it, but we all have been there. After waking up Sunday morning in my friend's bed with a chick next to me, I quickly have that face of panic hoping it is not one of his girl's. After a quick scan, I realize it is not and that both of our pants are still on. Phew... nothing major could have really happened. Being the opportunist that I am, I see this as an open window for some morning foreplay. After a little tussling and some pleasuring,  I am reduces to little spoon (what can I say she had a few inches on me). As I receive some gentle massaging and kissing, I assume I am in the clear to sleep of the hangover. I attempt to pass out without any questions....

Red= Little Spoon
Blue=Big Spoon
Pink= Big Spoon's hyperactive friend

Oh how naive. As I lay nursing a headache, the questions begin to come. "So, you played lacrosse at Duke?"
At this point I realize, I come clean and tell her I am the unemployed, slooch living in the office next door or I fulfill the finance lacrosse player, (whose possessions are skewed through the room and hang on the walls). "Yeah, I did." After a few more playful kisses and heavy petting, "You have some motivating quotes on the wall?" "Yeah, you sure bet I do." At this point... it is 1030ish and this conversation is about an hour and half too long. Attempting to wrap it up politely, it continues to lingers longer than Brett Favre's career. "Wow, you have quite the selection of dress shirts?" "Yup" 

The trooper that my friend is, anxiously awaiting checkout of his room as it nears noon. He sends me the quick text of "hey can you grab my headphones?" As I quickly scan the floor and regain my equilibrium, I cannot find the headphones and look more lost than a 14 year old boy around his first vulva. "Ahh..(giggles) what are you doing?" Oh man, thousand questions from this one. "Ahh, I do not know."

Trying to encourage a departure, I gravitate to the living room to watch some football. "Oh, my friend is coming over to pick me up and go to eat... I will be gone soon enough." "Oh, no worries." At this point, I am scanning my smartphone to see if I can  find a phantom 12:30 mass to go to, but to no avail. Her friend shows up with more energy than a kindergarten class. "Oh, hey you like comedy?... you should come to a comedy club with us on Tuesday." "Sure." I thought everyone knew "sure" was the universally understood response for "no, thank you, I have no interest in that. "Cool, let me see your phone. I will order the tickets for you. Here you go you can by X ticket and she will pay you back, cool?" Ahh.. this is awkward.... ok,ok, I will pretend to buy the tickets and maybe they will leave me to be a vegetable on the couch for the rest of the day.

Every time I yawn, I get a finger in my mouth with the response, "No, mouth goes unfucked." "I am really hungry, let's go get food." "Yeah, let's go get some food, Nino, you coming with us?"  I casually respond, "My movements for the day are from this couch, to that couch, and maybe to the kitchen for a glass of water." After another 20 minutes of high energy conversation, they are nearing departure. Meanwhile Duke Lacrosse player anxiously awaits his room after a sweaty morning bike ride.

Once the slow bleed is over by 12:30, I have realized it is better to be washed up D3 golfer than the successful D1 lax player. When they know it is the D3 golfer right away, the disappointment sets in faster and is mutually understood.