Why is Bill Gates factoring into my sex life?

I have the ultimate appreciate of Bill Gates. Completely dominated at Capitalism with Microsoft and has moved on to removing Polio from the World. He has pledged 99% of his wealth to charity. Terrific... A living legend in the every sense of the word, but the SOB is crossing the line now.

For as big of a nerd he is, he is no moron. He knows no guy that wears his own pants does not use condoms. Condoms are so 1998. The only thing guys cover are their smartphone. Well, he gave out a $100,000 prize to scientist at Manchester University that are producing an ultra thin condom. Stop it, Bill. change the world, save every dying children, but please do not remove the small, brief, fleeting sensation I encounter sparingly. Make me incompetent on a Mac, but do not make me incompetent in the bed. 

Playing Little Spoon

We all have been there. Not too many have wrote about it, but we all have been there. After waking up Sunday morning in my friend's bed with a chick next to me, I quickly have that face of panic hoping it is not one of his girl's. After a quick scan, I realize it is not and that both of our pants are still on. Phew... nothing major could have really happened. Being the opportunist that I am, I see this as an open window for some morning foreplay. After a little tussling and some pleasuring,  I am reduces to little spoon (what can I say she had a few inches on me). As I receive some gentle massaging and kissing, I assume I am in the clear to sleep of the hangover. I attempt to pass out without any questions....

Red= Little Spoon
Blue=Big Spoon
Pink= Big Spoon's hyperactive friend

Oh how naive. As I lay nursing a headache, the questions begin to come. "So, you played lacrosse at Duke?"
At this point I realize, I come clean and tell her I am the unemployed, slooch living in the office next door or I fulfill the finance lacrosse player, (whose possessions are skewed through the room and hang on the walls). "Yeah, I did." After a few more playful kisses and heavy petting, "You have some motivating quotes on the wall?" "Yeah, you sure bet I do." At this point... it is 1030ish and this conversation is about an hour and half too long. Attempting to wrap it up politely, it continues to lingers longer than Brett Favre's career. "Wow, you have quite the selection of dress shirts?" "Yup" 

The trooper that my friend is, anxiously awaiting checkout of his room as it nears noon. He sends me the quick text of "hey can you grab my headphones?" As I quickly scan the floor and regain my equilibrium, I cannot find the headphones and look more lost than a 14 year old boy around his first vulva. "Ahh..(giggles) what are you doing?" Oh man, thousand questions from this one. "Ahh, I do not know."

Trying to encourage a departure, I gravitate to the living room to watch some football. "Oh, my friend is coming over to pick me up and go to eat... I will be gone soon enough." "Oh, no worries." At this point, I am scanning my smartphone to see if I can  find a phantom 12:30 mass to go to, but to no avail. Her friend shows up with more energy than a kindergarten class. "Oh, hey you like comedy?... you should come to a comedy club with us on Tuesday." "Sure." I thought everyone knew "sure" was the universally understood response for "no, thank you, I have no interest in that. "Cool, let me see your phone. I will order the tickets for you. Here you go you can by X ticket and she will pay you back, cool?" Ahh.. this is awkward.... ok,ok, I will pretend to buy the tickets and maybe they will leave me to be a vegetable on the couch for the rest of the day.

Every time I yawn, I get a finger in my mouth with the response, "No, mouth goes unfucked." "I am really hungry, let's go get food." "Yeah, let's go get some food, Nino, you coming with us?"  I casually respond, "My movements for the day are from this couch, to that couch, and maybe to the kitchen for a glass of water." After another 20 minutes of high energy conversation, they are nearing departure. Meanwhile Duke Lacrosse player anxiously awaits his room after a sweaty morning bike ride.

Once the slow bleed is over by 12:30, I have realized it is better to be washed up D3 golfer than the successful D1 lax player. When they know it is the D3 golfer right away, the disappointment sets in faster and is mutually understood.

Whitey Bulger-Damn It Feels Good to be Gangsta

Justice served.. yeah right. 84 year Old G, Whitey got two life sentences today. After trying to find Whitey Bulger for over 16 years, they caught him in Santa Monica, California in 2011. The tip to find him was the fact he attended the Boston Bruins vs. Vancouver Canucks Game 6 in Vancouver... dedicated fan (pink hats take notes).

How much of a baller must you be to on the F.B.I most wanted list and you are "hiding" out in one of the most beautiful places in the United States?

So as the trial began, you would think the killing was done.....ahh wrong. A man named Stephen Rakes, who claimed Bulger forcefully stole his liquor store in the 80s. was all set to take the stand in Bulger's trial, but was killed days before. It proved to be that he was poisoned by cyanide in his ice coffee. They have pinned another man, William Camuti for the murder, who was owed money by Rakes allegedly.

Whether Bulger was involved.. who knows, but the life of a Santa Monica gangster is not too bad. Bulger had over 800,000 cash on him when caught  basking in the Santa Monica sun. As they say:

Would You Change Sex(s) To Play in World Cup?

An entire women's soccer league in South Korea is threatening to boycott all games unless the competition's best striker takes a sex test.Seoul City forward Park Eun-Seon was the best striker in the league last season, scoring 19 goals in 22 games as the club finished second.

But before the new season starts the other clubs have insisted the 26-year-old take a gender test. If not, they have threatened to boycott all games.

Her club say Park passed a gender test when she was 15 and will not subject her to another one.

Seoul Sports Council general secretary, Kim Joon-Soo said: "We have no intention of accepting the gender verification test just to stop the boycott." 

It is not the first time Park's gender has come under scrutiny.Three years ago in a South Asian international tournament, China questioned her gender and she dropped out of the tournament. However Park says she has proved what sex she is.Writing on her Facebook page she said: "I have gone through the gender examination thing several times. I did it in a World Cup, in an Olympics and in several others and there were no problems."I've worked so hard to get to this point, and I will not give up easily. I know what these people are trying to do, and I won't fall down."

First, of all Park.. you not fooling anyone with that beak. That is the manliest beak I have ever seen. it puts Adrian Brody to shame.You cannot knock Park's hustle though. We all have had the dream of being an Olympian and a World Class Athlete. Instead of discussing our High School Accolades on Friday Night to the super impressed chick at the bar, we could be living the dream disguised with an extra X chromosome.

If we are going to be honest, have I thought about becoming a chick to be on the World Cup team? Of course. Once I had the harsh reality of chances  ofbeing side my side Landon Donovan dashed by the 15 year old dicing me up in a pickup game, I looped the idea of becoming a female to reach my dream. You always have your dream, chase them no matter what.. sex change is a minor issue. it also helps that I am currently living on an air mattress in the "office" of a couple of bros apartment unemployed, so this move has alot of upside for me

 I have a slender physic and I could definitely pull off the butch haircut for the U.S. national team. I mean let us look at the best U.S. Women Player currently.

Plus you know the U.S. team is crawling with sexually frustrated chicks. All that time training, and no time to explore the D. You could be the in-house guinea pig.  A few more U.S. soccer players for you to understand the thought process.

I need to do more squats... my ass looks like a 12 year old girl.

Bigger is Better...So Says Oxford

Scientists from the University of Oxford have discovered that women with larger than average butts are not only increasingly intelligent but also very resistant to chronic illnesses.

According to ABC News, the results found that women with bigger backsides tend to have lower levels of cholesterol and are more likely to produce hormones to metabolize sugar. Therefore, women with big butts are less likely to have diabetes or heart problems.

And having a big butt requires an excess of Omega 3 fats, which have been proven to catalyze brain development. The researchers also found that the children born to women with wider hips are intellectually superior to the children of slimmer, less curvy mothers.

Eyeonthenut reports that the team analyzed data from 16,000 women.

Eyeonthenut also cites similar studies conducted by universities in California and Pittsburgh not too long ago that discovered that women with bigger butts, wide hips and smaller waists may even live longer as well.

*This study did not include fake butts.

We already know girls with big butts are smarter and healthier, but they also have some things only they will understand.

Ahhh... kind of a toss up here. I mean Serena and Beyonce are two successful, smart women with some shapely cabooses, but do they give women the false hope that a bigger buttocks makes them smarter?

I did a little research from diabetes.org to discover the following facts:

·         4.9 million, or 18.7 percent of all African Americans aged 20 years or older have diabetes.

·         African Americans are 1.8 times more likely to have diabetes as non Hispanic whites.

So you are telling me even though the extra large Coke from McDonald's is making my ass bigger, but also increasing my chances of diabetes? I think I am going to chose my Coke infused ass 9/10.

I think Nicki Minaj gets it. Gets a fake ass to fool people in thinking she is smart and avoids diabetes. Let me hope on that star ship. I will be your Han Solo.

33Million Dollar Hippie Ship Docked in San Francisco

Greenpeace's Rainbow Warrior, the floating, green-hued hub for environmental activism, pulled into Pier 15 Friday and will remain through Nov. 19, open for free public tours, art shows, films, panel discussions and live music.

Up to 900 people a day are expected to visit the boat, made famous by a 1985 incident off the coast of New Zealand when the French bombed - and sank - its predecessor, the first Rainbow Warrior, during a nuclear weapons protest.

The new Rainbow Warrior (actually, the third overall) is a $33 million, custom-built sailboat outfitted with a helipad, and unique A-frame masts that give the boat stability and allow it to derive 90 percent of its power from the wind. It's designed to accommodate up to 32 crew members as they circle the globe blocking oil tankers, protesting deforestation and taking up other environmental crusades.

The job is not without its hazards. Its sister ship, the Arctic Sunrise, saw its crew of about 30 arrested in September by the Russian Coast Guard and imprisoned in Murmansk, awaiting trial for piracy after the crew attempted to string a protest banner across a Russian oil rig. They face 15 years in jail if convicted.

Joel Stewart, captain of the Rainbow Warrior, is not fazed.

"The real risk isn't getting arrested, it's climate change," he said Sunday. "No amount of military superiority or terrorism is going to get us out of this one. ... The risk is definitely worth it."

While in San Francisco, Greenpeace staff are protesting a Stockton palm-oil refinery that imports large volumes of palm oil from deforested Indonesian rain forest.

Next it's off to San Diego, then Central and South America.

"People used to think of the Rainbow Warrior as a hippie ship," said Greenpeace spokeswoman Kat Clark. "But now we're scientists, activists, professionals. ... And the need is greater than ever."

Oh, this sounds like field trip all over it. There are probably soon real cooks aboard this sailboat. The best part about them protesting is that they are doing it aboard a $33 million dollar boat.

The thought logic to protest.. I can respect, but a Russian oil tanker? Do you not remember the Somalia's that took the Russian ship a few years ago... yeah, those Somalia's are dead. The Russians wasted no time in killing them.

I figure if I go in my Halloween best... I will fit right in. Space Squirrel reporting live from Pier #15.

What France Gave Us This Year

Marine Lorphelin and I are two asteroids destined for a crash course. I know what you are asking what does Miss France 2013 have in common with a couch surfing schlep? Glad you asked:

(1) We both speak (were taught French from a young age) French.

(2) Born on the same day.

(3) Both left handed.

(4) Think Pure Class when you see both of us.

(5) We both have a pure adultery dark side.

(6) We both appreciate Peacocks & Fashion.

(7) We both have been to the Eiffel Tower and participated in One.

(8)We Both Have Natural Bed Head.

(9) We Both Like Mermaids.

(10) We both have Harry Potter fantasies.